14 December 2008

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Spanks - 1

Director - Scott Derrickson

Writers - David Scarpa

Starring - Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Kathy Bates & Jaden Smith

Release Date - 12 December 2008

MPAA Rating - PG-13

The Day the Earth Stood Still
is one of the worst remakes Hollywood ever made. It was even worse than War of the Worlds and Poseidon. It also completely misses the point of what the original was all about... although they tried. The original was about nuclear war, and the people of Earth had to disarm of be destroyed, and you could feel that part of the story. In this version, the humans were destroying the planet so they had to be eliminated because the planet is one of a few that could sustain life and the humans didn't know how to change, but it didn't have that impact on the story. I in no way want to "Go Green" after watching it. I do want to get my green back from 20th Century Fox.

Gort was just a crappy unoriginal made CGI with a eye that moves exactly like a Battlestar Galactica Cylon. As is normal with Hollywood, Gort had to be bigger so they made him the size of Godzilla. They should have left him a really tall guy in a suit, he would have looked more believable and terrifying and not stupid.

The most memorable and important line of the original was just thrown into the remake to mean almost nothing. It isn't even noticeable. I had to find out where it happened on the IMDB message boards, because I missed it, and I was wasn't making fun of the film yet.

The film even had a War of the Worlds like ending. I don't know if they just ran out of money or film or the writer got writers block when writing the final reel.

If you pretend the movie is not a remake, would only make it slightly better (it might have got 2 spanks). If you are interested in seeing The Day the Earth Stood Still, spend 10 dollars to buy the DVD or 4 to rent the original 1951.

02 December 2008


Spanks - 2

Director - Catherine Hardwicke

Writers - Melissa Rosenberg

Starring - Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Peter Facinelli & Taylor Lautner

Release Date - 21 November 2008

MPAA Rating - PG-13

Twilight is nothing more than a chick flick that happens to have vampires, but a completely boring version of a vampire. The vampires are in no way scary, they can be in the sunlight, they have a reflection, they are pretty much just regular people who can run fast, hit a baseball far, and jump high.

The film follows the story of Bella. A teenage girl who moves from Arizona to live with her dad in a small town in Washington. At school she meets this mysterious boy, Edward Cullen, who keeps to himself and his family. They fall for each other, but they shouldn't be together because he is a vampire, and he has to fight just to not eat her. He doesn't, the Cullen family excepts her, all is going uneventful and boring until about a half hour left in the film when the bad vampires show up. A very little more excitement happens. The end... until the sequel comes out in 2010.

The film has a few laughs, but not good laughs. The acting is comical at times between Edward and Bella. The "running" special effects are terrible, worse then when Clark Kent runs in Superman The Movie 30 years ago. Every time Peter Facinelli came on screen I laughed, because I couldn't get get the image of him as Mike Dexter from Can't Hardly Wait out of my head.

The film moved very slow, and did not keep my attention. I looked at my cell phone clock at one point to see how much time was left, and I never do that. All of my girl friends who have seen it have loved it and some have gone and seen it more then once. If your female, you will enjoy this film, but if your the boyfriend hang out with the guys that night.

23 November 2008

Role Models

Spanks - 3.5

Director - David Wain

Writers - Paul Rudd, David Wain, Ken Marino & Timothy Dowling

Starring - Seann William Scott, Paul Rudd, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Bobb'e J. Thompson, Jane Lynch & Elizabeth Banks

Release Date - 7 November 2008

MPAA Rating - R

The Role Models trailer is not an accurate portrayal of the film. The trailer made the film look dumb. That is completely wrong. It is a prime example of bad marketing. The film was very funny. I was laughing the whole entire movie. The film is about two guys, Danny and Wheeler, who work for an energy drink company who drive around promoting it at schools. They get arrested and are given the choice of 30 days in jail or 150 hours working in a Big Brother program called Sturdy Wings. They are given the two worst kids in the program and if they can not complete the hours they go to jail.

Bobb'e J. Thompson who plays Ronnie steals the show whenever he is on screen. Jane Lynch, who played the store manager in The 40 Year Old Virgin, is the ex-con who runs the Big Brother program is one of the strangest (but hysterical) characters in a film in a long time.

To warn you, there is lots of bad language in the film, more than Zack and Miri. That does not take away from all the laughs. Role Models is a movie to watch when you just want to laugh and laugh a lot.

17 November 2008

Quantum of Solace

Spanks - 4

Director - Marc Forster

Writers - Paul Haggis, Neal Purvis & Robert Wade

Starring - Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Mathieu Amalric, Judi Dench & Giancarlo Giannini

Release Date - 14 November 2008

MPAA Rating - PG

Quantum of Solace is the 22nd official James Bond film. It takes place immediately following the events in Casino Royale. Bond captures Mr. White and during his interrogation he escapes with the help of a traitor (who was M's bodyguard). Bond and M learn very little of the organization Quantum and using forensics from the traitor starts Bond's hunt to find out more about Quantum and to bring them down.

The film runs like a Bond film. He has no regard to public property, he doesn't give up, he doesn't follow orders, he uses his license to kill often and he gets the girls. I heard people saying that it didn't feel like a Bond film and it was just a spy thriller, but it felt very Bond to me.

The visual effects are still real and not 100 percent CGI. Some of the action sequences were similar to each other, which I didn't like and the one in Haiti was cut to quickly to tell what was happening, but those were the only 2 small problems I had with the action.

The film has nothing new and groundbreaking in the film making techniques, but who cares, not all movies need to be. It is a very fun film to watch, and very much worth seeing. It made me wish I was as awesome as James Bond. It is the best action film since Hellboy 2 and The Dark Knight and I can't think of any that will be this good until next summer.

16 November 2008


Spanks - 4

Director - Chris Williams and Byron Howard

Writers - Dan Fogelman and Chris Williams

Voices - John Travolta, Miley Cyrus, Susie Essman, Mark Walton & Malcolm McDowell

Release Date - 21 November 2008

MPAA Rating - PG

I saw the sneak preview of Bolt, and Disney Animation is getting back to what they used to be. They have had a lot of unmemorable animated films since the Lion King in 1994, but Bolt and 2007's Meet the Robinsons have given me faith in them once again. Bolt is being released in traditional theaters and in Digital Real D stereoscopic 3D. I saw it in 3D, and it you have a theater with a digital projector you should see it in 3D as well. I am sure it will be just as good in a regular theater unlike Journey to the Center of the Earth.

The film is about a television show dog named Bolt who has lived on set his whole life and believes he has the superpowers from the show. Bolt's world gets turned around when he accidentally gets shipped to New York City. He doesn't understand what is happening and kidnaps a cat called Mittens because he believes she is working with Dr. Calico (Bolt's nemeses) and she can lead him back to Penny (Bolt's human) in Hollywood.

The film is great for any age. The theater had people from as little kids to grandparents. It is very funny, everyone in the theater was laughing. Rhino, the hamster who joins the adventure, steals the show. As any animated feature it is easily predictable, but that does not take away from the entertainment or ruin the film.

03 November 2008

My Name Is Bruce

Spanks - 4.5

Director - Bruce Campbell

Writers - Mark Verheiden

Starring - Bruce Campbell, Grace Thorsen, Taylor Sharpe and Ted Raimi

Release Date - 31 October 2008 (Limited Release)

MPAA Rating - R

My Name is Bruce a horror film starring Bruce Campbell as Bruce Campbell, but a loser/alcoholic version of himself. In the town of Gold Luck Oregon, the Chinese god of war Guan-Di (who is also the protector of the dead) is accidentally released by the local teenagers. Guan-Di starts killing the residents and to stop him Jeff (the one who releases Guan-Di) kidnaps Bruce Campbell thinking he can really stop and kill demons like in the Evil Dead movies. Campbell thinks its his birthday present from his agent so he plays along until he realizes Guan-Di is not a guy in a rubber suit.

The film is cheesy in every way to give it the B movie feel. Since Bruce Campbell is "the greatest actor of his generation" and the king of B movies this works. It isn't full of inside jokes that only people who have seen all of Campbell's movies would get, there are a couple. The film will not come close to winning an Academy Award, but its tremendously entertaining and the funniest film to come out since Tropic Thunder. If Army of Darkness is on your list of favorite movies you will love this film. If it isn't, get the DVD's of both films, because they are awesome.

This film is playing at a very limited release. It is playing the Ritz at the Bourse in Philadelphia and Sunshine Cinema in New York City at the time of publication.


Spanks - 4

Director - Guy Ritchie

Writers - Guy Ritchie

Starring - Gerard Butler, Tom Wilkinson, Thandie Newton, Jeremy Piven & Chris Bridges

Release Date - 31 October 2008

MPAA Rating - R

Rocknrolla is similar to other Guy Richie films. Its characters are gangsters or criminals. It involves drugs, double crosses, heist, guns, torture, and sex. The film is very complex, like Snatch and Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, but it all comes together at the end and makes sense. It is set in London is about buying real estate to sell for more. All is going well for criminals who are scamming to get rich in real estate, until a "lucky" painting is stolen.

Being very a very complex movie, it is hard to follow at times. Its one of those movies you have to get on DVD when release to watch again, because you are sure to miss something. Don't let this discourage you from seeing it, as it is a well made film and you will enjoy it.

02 November 2008

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Spanks - 3.5

Director - Kevin Smith

Writers - Kevin Smith

Starring - Seth Rogen, Elizabeth Banks, Craig Robinson, Jason Mewes, Traci Lords, Jeff Anderson and Katie Morgan

Release Date - 31 October 2008

MPAA Rating - R

Zack and Miri Make a Porno is the second film by Kevin Smith that takes place out of the Jay and Silent Bob universe (known as the View Askewniverse). Zack and Miri are high school friend who share an apartment, but do not make enough money to pay the bills. After their electricity and water gets shut off and a conversation with someone at the 10 year high school reunion, they decide that if they make a porno they could make enough money to catch up on the bills and not get evicted from the apartment. Do they succeed, I won't tell.

The film follows the rules of a Chick Flick, but with the Kevin Smith twist too it. It isn't nearly as funny as Clerks or Dogma, but way funnier than Jersey Girl (although I would much rather make a porno with Liv Tyler than Elizabeth Banks). The closest comparison would be Chasing Amy.

The film is full of foul language so I wouldn't bring a kid or a grandmom to see this. Just come with your girlfriend or wife, and you will have a good time. The film is hysterical. I did laugh the whole time, as did the everyone in the full theater. There are great cameos from Justin Long, Jim Norton, and Brandon Routh. Stay for the credits, there is a very funny scene put in there.

19 October 2008


Spanks - 2.5

Director - Oliver Stone

Writers - Stanley Weiser

Starring - Josh Brolin, James Cromwell, Richard Dreyfuss, Scott Glenn & Elizabeth Banks

Release Date - 17 October 2008

MPAA Rating - PG-13

The film W. is not a comedy like the trailer makes it out to be. It is funny just because when George W. Bush talks, it is funny. The film is a biography of our current president, and is the first to be made of a sitting president. The film takes the viewer there Bush's life from college (undergraduate) until "the end" of the Iraq War (2004).

The casting of the film was perfect. Everyone looked almost exactly like the person they were portraying, and got the accents down too. Thandie Newton who played Condoleezza Rice was the best of the supporting cast. Josh Brolin could be Bush if you were not paying attention to what you were seeing or hearing.

The film is very interesting. I learned a lot about our president. I didn't know he didn't want to go into politics when he was young, or that he was that big of a slacker or that Colin Powell was completely against the Iraq War and fought with him to not invade. It was very slow and boring at parts. There was one scene in the middle that was so slow that i nodded off for a couple minutes. It is definitely worth watching, just not at the theater for at least 7 bucks.

16 October 2008

Eagle Eye

Spanks - 1.5

Director - D.J. Caruso

Writers - John Glenn, Travis Wright, Hillary Seitz & Dan McDermott

Starring - Shia LaBeouf, Michelle Monaghan, Rosario Dawson, Michael Chiklis, Ethan Embry & Billy Bob Thornton

Release Date - 26 September 2008

MPAA Rating - PG-13

Eagle Eye was not a good movie. Do not spend your money to see it. It was unoriginal and about an hour to long (the run time was 118 minutes). If you want good chase scenes watch The Rock or The Dark Knight. If you want a fun cyber terrorism movie just watch Live Free or Die Hard. If you want to see Michelle Monaghan looking hot watch Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Get Panic Room or Usual Suspect for a great thriller.

The film is about two people who meet because they got mysterious phone calls from an unknown lady. The lady has the ability to hack into all electronic equipment to minipulate what she wants so she can get Jerry Shaw and Rachel Holloman where she needs them. It turns out that it is a computer that is gone bad and needs both Jerry and Rachel to carry out her operation.

The one thing I was wishing the whole film was for the evil computer to hack the film projector and shut it off.

05 October 2008


Spanks - 3

Director - Larry Charles

Writers - Bill Maher

Starring - Bill Maher

Release Date - 3 October 2008

MPAA Rating - R

Religulous is a documentary about religion directed by the guy who did Borat and starring the guy from Politically Incorrect. It discuses how religion is "old", "wrong", "stupid", and "fake". It is very one sided, Bill Maher doesn't try at all to believe anything anyone of his interviewees are saying. He interviews people from Christian, Jewish, and Muslim groups, all from the groups that are way off the wall. A Puerto Rician minister who says he is the second coming of Jesus, a Jewish rabbi who is against the nation of Isreal and believes the Holocaust isn't real, and a guy from the Cannabis Ministry in Amsterdam to give you a couple of examples. It also has a good segment about how religion and war are tied together.

The film is very funny, but doesn't come close to Borat. Some of the funniest parts are when they cut away from the interview to a video to go against what they are saying. It is also funny when Bill Maher ask a question they don't have a pre-scripted answer for and just look dumbfounded at him. I will say he is very mean to his interviewees too, but he is usually mean to the guest on his show, so its nothing new for Bill Maher.

The documentary, although completely biased (but name me one that isn't), was very interesting. If you are religious you will most likely hate this movie. If you have an open mind you might like it.

26 September 2008


Spanks - 2

Director - Jeffrey Nachmanoff

Writers - Jeffrey Nachmanoff & Steve Martin

Starring - Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Saïd Taghmaoui, Neal McDonough and Jeff Daniels

Release Date - 27 August 2008

MPAA Rating - PG-13

Traitor tells the story of a fictional Islamic terrorist group plotting attacks on the United States with the help of American Samir Horn who was previously in the armed forces. Getting in Samir's way is FBI agent Roy Clayton. The film follows Samir across three continents to complete his mission with agent Clayton on his trail.

I went into this film not know what it was about or what to expect. It was very interesting and suspenseful. I kept wanting to know what was going to happen next. There were a few times in the movie where I never expected what was going to happen next. It also gives you the terrorist point of view, and not the terrorist side from the good guys point of view, which doesn't happen often in Hollywood. I was expecting and hoping for an unexpected Arlington Road like ending, unfortunately that ending never came. It had the ending I didn't want to happen when the Future Mrs. Spanky suggested it.

14 September 2008

Burn After Reading

Spanks - 3.5

Director - Ethan Coen & Joel Coen

Writers - Joel Coen & Ethan Coen

Starring - George Clooney, Frances McDormand, Brad Pitt, John Malkovich & Tilda Swinton

Release Date - 12 September 2008

MPAA Rating - R

Burn After Reading is not what I thought it was going to be from the trailer. The trailer made it seem like it was going to be more of a comedy like the Big Lebowski, but in reality it was a Coen Brothers movie that had a few really good laughs.

The film is about blackmail, online dating, national secrets, affairs, and physical fitness. John Malkovich plays a CIA analyst who quits his job, Tilda Swinton is his wife, George Clooney is a agent for the treasury department, and Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand work for the gym Hardbodies. They film follows how their lives are intertwined over the course of a few days, which happens because of Malkovich quitting his job at the CIA.

My only problem with Burn After Reading was it was slow getting started. Once everything was in place the movie felt like it just started. The film does a great job of keeping you thinking what will happen next, which you will probably guess wrong every time... I did. If you do go see it, pay attention because its one of those movies where you can miss something very easily and you will want to see again when it is released on DVD.

27 August 2008

The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor

Spanks - 1.5

Director - Rob Cohen

Writers - Alfred Gough & Miles Millar

Starring - Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello, John Hannah, Michelle Yeoh & Luke Ford

Release Date - 1 August 2008

MPAA Rating - PG-13

The running gag in The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is the main characters saying "I Hate Mummies", I say "I Hate Rob Cohen (the director of the cinematic masterpiece The Fast and the Furious, xXx, and Stealth)". I have only seen the first Mummy movie and that is Citizen Kane compared to this new one. Imhotep was a much better villain, the special effects were much better, Maria Bello was miscast, and this new story was stupid.

I am fully against recasting of characters, and this is a perfect example of why. Bello couldn't do a British accent for one and she didn't fit in the character at all. She doesn't even look smart and archaeologist like. They could have at least recast Evelyn with a British actress since they weren't smart enough to write her out. Emperor Han was your stereotypical one dimensional bad guy who just wants to take over the Earth and rule it with total power. At least Imhotep was after his girl that was killed when he was cursed before he was mummified. Remember the beatles that would craw under your skin and eat you from the inside out from the first? This sequel had nothing even close to scare you with... just Yeti.

The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor is about Emperor Han who in ancient China was in the process of becoming emperor of the world when he was betrayed by a which and turned to stone. In 1948 he is awaken with the help of Brandon Fraser's son. Han then must find Shangra-La to restore his powers and take over the world. Brendon Fraser happens to be in the right place at the right time to save the world from a mummy for the third time.

The story is totally ridiculous and totally unoriginal. Three times in the film the protagonist say that if Han gets past them here then he will be unstoppable. That can work saying once, but no more. What I remember of the first, it was a serious action movie, but this seemed to be an children's action movie with the jokes, dialog, and Yeti. The comic relief in the first film was Evelyn's brother Johnathan, in this they tried to make each character be funny. That failed miserably because it was something written to be funny to a 12 year old (the 12 year old in the theater sitting next to me laughed at all these jokes).

19 August 2008

Tropic Thunder

Spanks - 4

Director - Ben Stiller

Writers - Ben Stiller, Justin Theroux & Etan Cohen

Starring - Robert Downey Jr., Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Jay Baruchel, Brandon T. Jackson & Steve Coogan

Release Date - 13 August 2008

MPAA Rating - R

Tropic Thunder is a great film. Don't listen to the protesters, they don't know what they are talking about. You would think people would be more upset from Robert Downey Jr in blackface than the use of the work "retard". Just so you know, they do not use "retard" to describe someone who is mentally challenged (that I could understand protesting a little). Ben Stiller's character in the film, Tugg Speedman, stars in a movie called Simple Jack prior to starring in the war epic Tropic Thunder. He takes the role of a mentally challanged man because he thinks it is a guaranteed Oscar like Tom Hanks, Dustin Hoffman, and Billy Bob Thornton have done for roles in the past.

The film is a satire of Hollywood. It is not to be taken seriously in anyway. I think it does a good job of it too. It is also very funny. All the characters are stereotypical Hollywood-types. Ben Stiller is the action star, Robert Downey Jr. is the professionally trained actor, Jack Black is the drug addict commedian, Steve Coogan is the first time director looking to make a name for himself, and Brandon T. Jackson is the rapper turned actor (do they sound familiar to you?). The soundtrack is full of the classic rock songs from the 60's that are put in most Vietnam war movies.

Tropic Thunder is the story of making a Vietnam era epic war film based on the book Tropic Thunder by Four Leaf Tayback. After some time behind schedule and over budget, director Damien Cockburn decides to film the movie off the grid and gorilla style.

If you like comedies and war movies then this is truly the movie for you. If you are a fan of just one of those two genres, you will also enjoy it. That is unless you like to protest movies before seeing them because some group of people don't agree with it. If you are one of those people please read here.

14 August 2008

Pineapple Express

Spanks - 2

Director - David Gordon Green

Writers - Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg & Judd Apatow

Starring - Seth Rogen, James Franco, Gary Cole, Rosie Perez & Ed Begley Jr.

Release Date - 6 August 2008

MPAA Rating - R

On the top Pineapple Express is a movie about smoking week. Deep down it is really about friendship. The film follows Dale (Seth Rogen) who is a process server who smokes pot all the time. He gets a new kind of marijuana called pineapple express, who he is the only dealer in town with it, from his dealer Saul (James Franco). Later that day Dale goes to serve Ted Jones (Gary Cole). Before serving Ted, he smokes up, and while in his car he witnesses a murder in Ted's house by Ted and a lady cop (Rosie Perez). The movie then follows Dale and Saul on the run from Ted and the lady cop all the while building a friendship between dealer and buyer.

The film is funny and has some great scenes, but it is a slow movie. A lot happens, but the flow of the film is slow. It should have been 20 minutes shorter. James Franco's has the best character, and he plays a great stoner. He would remind you of your stoner friend from high school.

Even though it is a comedy it has 2 good action sequences. They are nothing breathtaking, but original in its own way. A police chase with the drivers right foot stuck in the windshield is one example. Maybe Seth Rogen is is practicing for The Green Hornet.

If you are going to go spend 9 dollars to see a comedy, see something else. Although Pineapple Express is funny there are funnier and better movies you can go see worth 9 dollars. If you want a good marijuana movie, just see Half Baked or Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke.

08 August 2008

Step Brothers

Spanks - 4

Director - Adam McKay

Writers - Will Ferrell, Adam McKay & John C. Reilly

Starring - Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Mary Steenburgen & Richard Jenkins

Release Date - 25 July 2008

MPAA Rating - R

Step Brothers
is a hysterical film. I laughed from start of the first reel to the end of the last. Its like Talladega Nights but a thousand times funnier. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are great together. You might be skeptical after watching the trailer for the first time. I was. I thought, it doesn't look that funny... but it is.

The film is about to 40 year old guys who just meet and become step brothers because their parents get married. However, they are not your normal 40 year old guys. Remember how you and your siblings acted towards each other and with each other when you were 11 years old. That is Ferrell and Reilly in this movie. Because of their parents getting married they are forced to grow up, get jobs, and apartments.

I think this is going to be the most quoted movie of the summer. "You better not close your eyes, because as soon as you do, I'm gonna punch you square in the face!" and many more you will hear in the streets that are not PG rated like that one.

If your looking for a smart comedy like Stranger Than Fiction, this one is not a good choice. But if you want fart, poop, and funny childish things like that in your comedy, this movie is for you.

*The song in the trailer is called "North American Scum" by LCD Soundsystem"

29 July 2008

Meet Dave

Spanks - 0

Director - Brian Robbins

Writers - Rob Greenberg & Bill Corbett

Starring - Eddie Murphy, Elizabeth Banks, Gabrielle Union, Scott Caan & Ed Helms

Release Date - 11 July 2008

MPAA Rating - PG

Do not go see Meet Dave! I am sure it is as bad as Norbit, if not worse, but I couldn't tell you for sure because I didn't see that classic piece of cinema (Brian Robbins directed Norbit as well). I don't have any idea why Eddie Murphy continues to make such terrible movies, I don't think he has had anything good since Beverly Hills Cop 3 in 1994. Its obvious that family themed movies haven't worked for the past 14 years, but he continues to make them.

Meet Dave is about a group of aliens who come to Earth in a spaceship that looks like a Human. This works because the inhabitants of the planet Nil are only one inch tall. They come to Earth to search for a rock that was sent a few weeks before to drain the Earths oceans for salt because of an energy crisis on the home planet.

The film tries to be funny. I will admit that I did laugh 2 or 3 times. The reason I say tries to be funny is because it uses jokes that have been used over and over again in the 71 years since feature length talkies have been around. The most original part of the movie was when I walked out...

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Spanks - 4

Director - Guillermo del Toro

Writers - Guillermo del Toro & Mike Mignola

Starring - Ron Perlman, Selma Blair & Doug Jones

Release Date - 11 July 2008

MPAA Rating - PG-13

Hellboy II: The Golden Army is based on an original story written by del Toro and Hellboy's creator Mike Mignola, so if you have all the comics be prepared for something all new. The story is about Prince Nuada wanting to find the Golden Army (an unstopable army 70 times 70 soldiers) and break the truce between the Humans and Elves. Meanwhile back at the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense, things are going as normal as can be for Hellboy, Abe Sapien, and Liz Sherman. That is until they find out that Prince Nuada is plotting to destroy humanity.

The film has a more fantasy then the first which makes the visuals a lot more stunning. The first film took place all in our world so it looks more real. Del Toro uses makeup and puppets to create his creatures as much as he possible so its not like most movies where you can tell that the main character is talking to a tennis ball which will become something fantastic and most likely fake looking in post production. From what I have seen of Pan's Labyrinth this is a big step up from what he did visually in that. I can't wait to see what his Middle Earth will be like in two years.

It is also a lot deeper of a movie then the first. It deals more with Hellboy's many internal struggles, Liz and Abe's feeling, and FBI director Tom Manning overall problem's with Hellboy. It is also a very funny movie, and not just because I saw it after Meet Dave.

23 July 2008

The Dark Knight

Spanks - 5

Director - Christopher Nolan

Writers - Jonathan Nolan, Christopher Nolan & David S. Goyer

Starring - Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, & Maggie Gyllenhaal

Release Date - 18 July 2008

MPAA Rating - PG-13

You might be thinking The Dark Knight to be another comic book movie, in the age of comic book summer movies blockbusters. It is much more than that. Unlike the Batman films of the 20th century, Christopher Nolan made his Batman world very real looking and nothing looks comicy. The film is the film of the summer if not 2008, comic book movie or not. If you go see one movie this summer it should be this one. If you didn't like Batman Begins because it cut between 4 different time periods, you don't have to worry because this one is linear from start to finish.

People say its doing so well is because it is Heath Ledger's final completed film (you will see him next year in Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus) and that is why its doing so well. His performance of The Joker is perfect, much better than Jack Nicholson and before seeing The Dark Knight I did not think that was possible. He is totally psychotic but very funny and likeable (if that is possible). See if for that performance alone if you need a reason to go see a comic book film.

Another thing I love about Christopher Nolan is that everything looks real. That is because it is real. No cheesy computer special effects like you see at some point in all action movies. The truck they flip that you can see in the trailer, they really flipped it. No crappy green screen backgrounds or fake fire or explosions either. He is standing on the top of a skyscraper and they blew up a building.

I wanted to see it in IMAX, but it was sold out until Friday (7/23/08). Hopefully there will be some open shows next week. The reason being is that parts of the film were filmed with an IMAX camera. All the movies that have been on IMAX up until now have been shot on 35mm and blown up to IMAX size.

14 July 2008

Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D

Spanks - 3

Director - Eric Brevig

Writers - Michael Weiss, Jennifer Flackett, and Mark Levin

Starring - Brendan Fraser, Anita Briem, and Josh Hutcherson

Release Date - 11 July 2008

MPAA Rating - PG

Journey to the Center of the Earth is in 3D but only in selected theaters. The reason being is the theater must have a Dolby Digital Cinema projection system. It uses a technology called RealD, check thier website for a theater near you. Any other theater will be a regular movie projected off of a film print. To give you a heads up, you might have to pay an extra dollar or two to see it in 3D.

Journey to the Center of the Earth is based off the Jules Verne book, but is set in the present and not 1864 when the book was written. There are refrences to those characters in the film. The film stars Brendan Fraser as a volcanologist whose lab is about to lose its funding. His nephew comes to stay with him and is giving some of his dead brothers stuff which includes a copy of the book Journey to the Center of the Earth with various notes written throughout. It leads them to Iceland where they meet Hannah who is thier mountain guide. And so begins their Journey to the Center of the Earth.

If you go see this, do so in 3D, and only in 3D. As a regular movie it is nothing special and wouldn't be worth the 9 dollars. It is a family movie so expect cheesey dialogue and cheesey action sequences, but there are some good action sequences and some funny scenes. Parts of the movie were slow for me and I was more interested in trying to figure out how the 3D works. Visually the film is great, and they created some fantastic visuals and the 3D does enhance this world as things jump off the screen in your face.

You have to keep in mind that this is the first live action movie to use this 3D technology and it can only get better. Over the next few years many films, mostly animated, are going to be in RealD 3D.

09 July 2008


Spanks - 3.5

Director - Peter Berg

Writers - Vincent Ngo, Vince Gilligan

Starring - Will Smith, Charlize Theron, and Jason Bateman

Release Date - 2 July 2008

MPAA Rating - PG-13

Peter Parker's Aunt May said "with great power comes great responsibility"... something that nobody ever told Hancock. Will Smith plays a man who can not be harmed who helps the city of Los Angeles, but with no car for the destruction that occurs from saving the day. He is also an alcoholic who doesn't care what people think of him. One sunny afternoon after stopping an SUV led car chase down a freeway he stops a train that is about to crush a car driven by a publicist called Ray (Jason Bateman) who afterwords decides to fix Hancock's image for saving his life. There is more to it, but I won't saying anything as to not give anything away.

In the time when super-hero movie are the summer blockbusters year after year, Hancock looks at super-heroism from a different view. The view that crosses your mind even though your no supposed too. The damage caused as a result of saving the day. The result is a very funny movie (but not as funny as Get Smart, and I am sure a million times funnier then Meet Dave) filled with super-hero sized battles and special effects (almost as good as The Incredible Hulk, and a million times better than Daredevil). Check it out if your looking for a fun movie that you and your girlfriend who hates super-hero films will enjoy.

07 July 2008


Spanks - 4

Director - Andrew Stanton

Writer - Andrew Stanton

Voices - John Ratzenberger, Sigourney Weaver, Fred Willard, Jeff Garlin, Ben Burtt, and Elissa Knight

Release Date - 27 June 08

MPAA Rating - G

is the third Pixar movie Andrew Stanton has directed and the sixth he has written. I must say it is the most original of all of them. It is also very different then all the movies made now because there is very minimal dialogue throughout the entire film (there is only eight different voices in the entire 98 minute film). It is awesome that Pixar is not afraid to try something different. This is also the first Pixar film that incorporates a live action character.

The film is science fiction with many references to classic sci-fi films, but it is more importantly a love story. Wall*E is the last robot still active whose task is to clean up the Earth while all the humans are on the spaceship Axiom. He develops a personality and starts collecting human idoms includeing a VHS tape of Hello Dolly. He comes in contact with probe EVE and falls for her. EVE completes her directive and is picked up and taken back to the Axiom, but Wall*E won't let her go and follows her back. On the Axiom all the humans are fat and lazy and just watch tv and eat all day with not a care in the world to get back home. EVE's realizes here directive isn't compete when she arives on the ship and with the help of Wall*E works to complete it.

Like all Pixar films it has a deeper message for you to take from it and I take on of them one as just be yourself. If you do not have kids, you will still enjoy the movie, as it is more grown up then the previous Pixar films. I look forward to see what Pixar does next to keep animated movies original and ahead of all the rest.

The short attached to Wall E was the best yet. It is called Presto and its about a magician trying to pull a rabbit out of his hat.

28 June 2008

Get Smart

Spanks - 4

Director - Peter Segal

Writers - Tom J. Astle, and Matt Ember

Starring - Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway, Dwayne Johnson, Alan Arkin, and Terence Stamp

Release Date - 20 June 08

MPAA Rating - PG-13

Get Smart
is the adaptation of the 60's television show created by Mel Brooks and Buck Henry. I have not seen the show in many years so I can say if the film stays true to the show. They do use equipment from the show in the film, some updated others are the same. KAOS infiltrates CONTROL and gets the names of its agents and begins killing them all. This makes analyst Maxwell Smart the newest field agent who must find the location of KAOS while the field agents must work as the analyst.

Steve Carell plays Maxwell Smart who continues to be hysterical. Anne Hathaway is Smart's partner Agent 99, who I think should stop playing the romantic roles she has been playing and be in more action movies. I could watch her kick some ass any day. Dwayne Johnson is Agent 23 who is Smart's idol, who I never would have thought he could be a good actor. Get Smart has some big name cameos, James Caan as the president, Bill Murray as Agent 13, and Patrick Warburton.

Before seeing the film I was scared that it might be to much like Johnny English. I am happy to say that it wasn't. Johnny English is more slap stick humor and parody then Get Smart. Get Smart keeps you laughing the entire film, and there hasn't been a movie this summer to really do that and I don't know of any that are coming out that will. Which makes me predict it as the funniest movie of the summer.

A straight to DVD spin-off comes out on July 1st starring Nate Torrence and Masi Oka who are the two guys who create all the spy gadgets for CONTROL.

24 June 2008

The Happening

Spanks - 1.5 or 3

Director - M. Night Shyamalan

Writer - M. Night Shyamalan

Starring - Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo, and Ashlyn Sanchez

Release Date - 13 June 08

MPAA Rating - R

When you see an M. Night Shyamalan film you are expecting a unexpected ending. This movie continues to have that. In my opinion, his movies have not had the same greatness as his first three films. This movie is a little different then all his others because it has more comedy.

The film starts off in Central Park on a regular sunny morning. Then all of a sudden people are stabbing themselves and jumping off buildings. The news of a terrorist attack gets to Philadelphia where Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo reside and they decide to leave the city and because it will be safer in the county. The film is then their journey to stay alive from this attack. I won't give say anything else to aviod giving anything away if you choose to see The Happening.

The reason I have the film 2 ratings is for how you look at it. If you look at it as a serious M. Night Shyamalan then its terrible, which is the 1.5. If you look at it as a comedy then it has some funny parts (the 3 rating). I don't know if he was going for laugh out loud funny, but I did. After I saw the movie I read an article on SciFi Weekly where he said he said to the cast and crew at the begining of production 'This is a B movie. Let's get ourselves straight here. This is just a great B movie. We're making the best B movie we can here. That's our job. We're making a B movie. If the themes of the movie have something that stick with you, great. Great. But we're not going to put that in front of the movie. We're going to have a lot of fun. It's a paranoia movie. We just need to pound away. That's our job." I can agree that it could be a B movie...just a well made, high budget B movie. Did anything stick with me? Maybe the guy with the lions or the guy with the lawnmower.

One thing I like about M. Night Shyamalan is that he always shoots his films in and around Philadelpia where they are set and not in Vancover or California where most things are shot and say that it is in Philadelpia.

23 June 2008

You Don't Mess with the Zohan

Spanks - 2.5

Director - Dennis Dugan

Writers - Adam Sandler, Robert Smigel, Judd Apatow

Starring - Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Nick Swardson, Rob Schneider

Release Date - 6 June 08

MPAA Rating - PG-13

Even though this film is a comedy, it is also shows talks of racism, and how messed up things are in Israel with the Arabs and Israelis. The film does not live up to previous Adam Sandler movies made back in the 90s in laughs. This is, however, his first film I have seen since Mr. Deeds. It was stupid, but funny, but not as funny as Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay.

You Don't Mess with the Zohan follows Zohan Dvir (played by Adam Sandler trying to sound like Borat) who leaves the Israeli Special Forces to move to New York City to work as a hair stylist for Paul Mitchell. He gets thrown out of Paul Mitchell's and goes to work for Dhalia Hakbarah (played by the super hot Emmanuelle Chriqui), the palestinian who owns the salon across the street from his cousins electronics store. Meanwhile Salim Husaamdiyaa (Rob Schneider) has moved to New York and finds out Zohan is there and he calls Zohan's nemesis The Phantom to tell him Zohan is in New York. Then there is Mr. Walbridge, the rich developer who wants to turn the Isreali/Arab community of New York into the first mall with its own roller coaster.

The funniest character in the movie is The Phantom. John Turturro is a great actor who is always plays a secondary character. The film has cameos by Chris Rock, Kevin Nealon, George Takei, Mariah Carey, and John McEnroe to name a few. The films message is peace. Will it come down in history as the movie that united Israel and Palestine? Most likely not, but it will shed some light on the problem in the Middle East to the young followers of Adam Sandler.

16 June 2008

The Incredible Hulk

Spanks - 4

Director - Louis Leterrier

Writer - Zac Penn

Starring - Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth, William Hurt

Release Date - 13 June 08

MPAA Rating - PG-13

The Incredible Hulk
goes above and beyond the 2003 Ang Lee version. There is no neon green hulk, no fights with mutant dogs, and there is an actual villain in this movie. This one doesn't pretend the Ang Lee version never happened, but it also does not continue exactly where that one ended. The Lee film was an origin story and in the Louis Leterrier film the only mention to how Bruce Banner became The Hulk's is during the opening credits.

This film opens with Banner (Ed Norton) on the run from General Ross (William Hurt) in hiding in Brazil trying to find a cure for himself. General Ross wants Banner to test him to create an army of super soldiers. He enlist Emil Blonsky (Tim Roth), a decorated member of the United Kingdom Special Forces, to capture Banner.

The Incredible Hulk is influenced by the television show starring Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno, as Leterrier and Norton are big fans of the show. The film has a similar tone as the show. Ferrigno even does the voice of The Hulk and Marvel got the rights to "The Lonely Man Theme" which is used over the closing credits.

The effects used to create Hulk are a million times better then the last film. Hulk and Abomination look more real. They are given colors that are more natural that would fit in nature. They did not over due the special effects and use all green screens during the fight sequences, they were shot on location. During production 4 blocks of Toronto were shut down and made to look like New York City for the confrontation between Abomination and The Hulk.

The film, like Iron Man, has many references to other characters in the Marvel universe and to future planned movies. Tony Stark even has a cameo!

You can take your girlfriend too because it is also a love story between Banner and Betty Ross (Liv Tyler). Now you don't have a reason not to go see The Incredible Hulk.

There is nothing at the end of the credits like in Iron Man. You don't have to watch them if you don't want to.

01 June 2008

Sex and the City

This review was written by The Future Mrs. Spanky. All opinions and thoughts are from her and not Spanky.
Spanks – 5

Director – Michael Patrick King

Writer – Michael Patrick King

Starring – Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis, Jennifer Hudson, and Chris North

Release Date – May 30, 2008

MPAA Rating - R

As a fan of the HBO show I would say if you like the show, you'll definitely like the movie. Even if you've never seen the show before, it's a great movie to put on your heals and take your girlfriends to see for a fun night out!
It picks up three years after the series ended. I don't want to give anything away but a lot happens in the movie. I felt like I watched a whole season in 2 1/2 hours. There were some really sad parts in it but it also had some really funny parts just like the show always did. And it was really sweet to see that they were all still good friends that stuck together no matter what. I'm sure you heard about the new girlfriend in the movie, Jennifer Hudson. I loved her character. She was really sweet and she fit right in with Carrie.
I wouldn't suggest taking your mom to see it because there's a lot of sex scenes (more than I expected at least). I also wouldn't make my boyfriend see this one. But go see it! I promise you'll love it and feel really good when it ends!

28 May 2008

Son Of Rambow

Spanks – 4.5

Director – Garth Jennings

Writer – Garth Jennings

Starring – Will Poulter, Jessica Stevenson, Mill Milner, Neil Dudgeon

Release Date – May 2, 2008 (Limited)

MPAA Rating - PG-13

If my family owned a camcorder when I was a kid, I bet it would have been something like Son Of Rambow. It is directed by Garth Jennings, who previously directed the smash hit Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (although Touchstone Pictures might disagree with the smash hit part). The cast is unknown here in America. You might know Jessica Stevenson if you have seen Shaun of the Dead and the show Spaced. I gave the film 4.5 spanks only because the film is on limited release so it might not be playing in a theater near you. If it is, go see it!

Son of Rambow tells the story of two unlikely elementary school aged kids who are making a movie. Lee Carter is the school troublemaker who is uses his older brothers camcorder to make a movie to submit to Screen Test. He meets Will at school and makes him be the stunt man in his film. Will is a member of the Plymouth Brethren religion, which its members are not aloud to watch TV and films, listen to music, or interact with people outside the religion. Will's wild imagination lays unused before he meets Lee Carter and is shown is first film...Rambo: First Blood. From that moment on Will imagination is set free and becomes the Son of Rambow. Friendships are forged and tested throughout the process of completing the film.

Even thought is film is under the radar and didn't cost hundreds of millions of dollars, it will be one of the best movies of the summer. It has everything the blockbusters have except for one thing...originality.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Spanks – 3.5

Director – Steven Spielberg

Writers – David Koepp (Screenplay), George Lucas (Story)

Starring – Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, Karen Allen, Shia LaBeouf, John Hurt, and Ray Winstone

Release Date – May 22, 2008

MPAA Rating - PG-13

I would have given Indiana Jones a higher rating if it wasn't for the ending. Don't worry I won't give it away. If you take the ending away, the movie could have been at least a 4, but because George Lucas is a freakin idiot it scores less. If anybody knows Mr. Lucas tell him to stop making films because he has ruined everything that he made that was awesome between 1977 and 1989 (the new Star Wars Trilogy anybody).

If you take away the last 5 minutes it an Indiana Jones adventure movie like the last 3. I thought the Nazis were better bad guys then the Soviets, but they were not around in 1957 so it would be hard to write them into this one...not that that would matter in this movie (see the ending). The movie starts with Indiana Jones getting kidnapped by Irina Spalko (Kate Blanchett) and the Soviets to break into a US Army base to find an artifact that would help with Spalko's research in mind control. The search for the Crystal Skull begins. John Hurts plays a great charachter who is crazy, Shia LaBeouf plays his character pretty much the same way as Sam Wickwicki in Transformers and Kale in Disturbia, and Karen Allen returns as Marion Ravenwood from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

I am really glad they kept everything real and didn't George Lucas it with computer generated everything. The computer generated images were for the most part used to fill the background and to enhance the scene and not the entire scene except for Obiwan Kenobi. The scene with the ants was obviously computer generated because the best animal wrangler in the world couldn't teach killer ants, but the Tarzan homage scene was absolutely rediculus.

It might seem that I didn't like the movie because of my complains about some parts, but it is really entertaining film from start til the last 5 minutes. If you enjoyed Raiders, Temple of Doom, and Last Crusade you will enjoy Crystal Skull.

15 May 2008

National Lampoon Presents: RoboDoc

Spanks – 5

Director – Stephen Maddocks

Writers – Doug and Scott Gordon M.D.

Starring – Alan Thicke, David Faustino, Corin Nemec, Michael Winslow, and Will Haze

Release Date – World Premiere 10 May 08 (in theatres summer 2008)

MPAA Rating - R

I was lucky enough to be one of the first to see RoboDoc last Saturday in Orlando. Let me tell you this movie is hysterical. The entire theatre was laughing from the first reel to the last. The film is being distributed by National Lampoon, the same company that made you laugh in Animal House and Christmas Vacation. The film is a spoof on the way health care is provided in America and who better to write a film about this then two practicing doctors.

The stories antagonist is Attorney Jake Gorman who spends his days getting rich suing doctors for malpractice. To stop lawyers like Jake Gorman R.I.P Healthcare hires Jason Dockery ( David Faustino ) to build “Medical Device 63”, who the nurses named RoboDoc. The film then tells of how the staff including Chief of staff Dr. Roskin ( Alan Thicke ) of North Mercy Hospital adjust to having a robot doctor who can do diagnose and work on any medical problem. Every film needs a major conflict, we have Lawyer Jake Gorman who vows to find a way to successfully sue

Hopefully the politicians will go see this and realize the problem with American health-care and then fix it. When you go see the film you'll laugh but it will open your eyes to the crumbling health care industry.

07 May 2008

Iron Man

Spanks - 4

Director - Jon Favreau

Writers - Mark Fergus & Hawk Ostby and Art Marcum & Matt Holloway

Starring - Robert Downey Jr., Terrence Howard, Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow

Release Date - 2 May 08

MPAA Rating - PG-13

I saw Iron Man on the advanced screening last Thursday. To tell you the truth I wasn't expecting it to be that good...Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man? In reality he was perfectly cast as Tony Stark who becomes Iron Man. It was directed by Jon Favreau who previously brought us Elf and wrote and starred in Swingers. Gwyneth Paltrow looked hot like she normally does and I didn't know before walking into the theater that Jeff "The Dude" Bridges played Tony Starks right hand man Obadiah Stane.

The story tells the origins of Iron Man and the first of 12 movies Marvel Studios has planned to produce by themselves, which will let them have its characters appear in each others films (Tony Stark appears in The Incredible Hulk next month). It lays the ground work for the upcoming Avengers movie in 2001. The film is not loaded with unnecessary special effects and it has just enough action through out to keep the story exciting (but not Micheal Bay exciting). A good origin film to compare it to would be the first X-Men that Bryan Singer did. Stay and watch all the credits too, a nice surprise awaits you at the end.

If you enjoyed the Spiderman, Superman, X-Men, and Batman (excluding Joel Schumacher's) movies you will definitely enjoy Iron Man. If you haven't seen it yet, you probably are not going to go see it in theaters, but definitely check it out when it comes out on DVD. However, it is a good visual movie that the big screen helps project that a TV will not.

The soundtrack is good too. Its not your typical orchestrated film score. Ramin Djawadi did the score. Its like a rock orchestra. Very Cool!

*I have no problems with Micheal Bay. He makes very entertaining films.

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

Spanks - 3.5

Director - Jon Hurwitz & Hayden Schlossberg

Writer - Jon Hurwitz & Hayden Schlossberg

Starring - John Cho, Kal Penn, Rob Corddry, Roger Bart, and Neil Patrick Harris

Release Date - 25 Apr 08

MPAA Rating - R

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay is the sequal to arold and Kumar go to White Castle and it takes place immediately following the events of the first. Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay could be taken as a political and cultural satire as it shows how our country is with race, patriotism and terrorism (especially Rob Corddry's character)... but will be looked at as just a stupid movie about nothing but weed, farts, sex and lots of foul language. I thought it was much better and funnier then Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

The two anti-heroes get busted trying to sneak a bong onto a plane to Amesterdam and get arrested as terrorist. North Korea and Al Qaeda working together. They get taken to Guantanamo Bay by Homeland Security. They escape before having to eat a cockmeat sandwich and the rest of the film they are fugitives getting chased by Homeland Security as they try to clear their names as terrorist while meeting up with hysterical Neil Patrick Harris again. The official website calls it "a epic journey of deep thoughts, deaper inhaling and a wild trip that is as "un-pc" as it gets."

It was written by the same pair that wrote Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. This time they take the director chairs. If your into movies full of dirty humor then this is your movie, if not then maybe you should go see College Road Trip.

06 May 2008


Hello and welcome to Spanky's Movie Review Blog. I was doing this on the myspace blog, but now I am going bigger! So here I am joining the world of The Blog. You can read the old ones here.

I am a huge fan of movies. I go to the cinema as much as possible, and I am a big fan of Netflix. If you were to ask my what my favorite movie would be I would not be able to tell you. I can tell you the last movie I watched at the cinema was Iron Man, on dvd was The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra and the last dvd I bought was Terminator 2: Ultimate Edition (I never said anything about them having to be new films).

The idea is to write at least one post a week about the films I have watched, but there is no guarantee that that will happen. I will do new movies, movies from local filmmakers and maybe throw in some old timey classics you may not have thought about in years. The sky is the limit really. Suggestions of movies to watch (and review) are always welcomed. To the cinema I must go!

Thanks for reading!