14 December 2008

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Spanks - 1

Director - Scott Derrickson

Writers - David Scarpa

Starring - Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Kathy Bates & Jaden Smith

Release Date - 12 December 2008

MPAA Rating - PG-13

The Day the Earth Stood Still
is one of the worst remakes Hollywood ever made. It was even worse than War of the Worlds and Poseidon. It also completely misses the point of what the original was all about... although they tried. The original was about nuclear war, and the people of Earth had to disarm of be destroyed, and you could feel that part of the story. In this version, the humans were destroying the planet so they had to be eliminated because the planet is one of a few that could sustain life and the humans didn't know how to change, but it didn't have that impact on the story. I in no way want to "Go Green" after watching it. I do want to get my green back from 20th Century Fox.

Gort was just a crappy unoriginal made CGI with a eye that moves exactly like a Battlestar Galactica Cylon. As is normal with Hollywood, Gort had to be bigger so they made him the size of Godzilla. They should have left him a really tall guy in a suit, he would have looked more believable and terrifying and not stupid.

The most memorable and important line of the original was just thrown into the remake to mean almost nothing. It isn't even noticeable. I had to find out where it happened on the IMDB message boards, because I missed it, and I was wasn't making fun of the film yet.

The film even had a War of the Worlds like ending. I don't know if they just ran out of money or film or the writer got writers block when writing the final reel.

If you pretend the movie is not a remake, would only make it slightly better (it might have got 2 spanks). If you are interested in seeing The Day the Earth Stood Still, spend 10 dollars to buy the DVD or 4 to rent the original 1951.

02 December 2008


Spanks - 2

Director - Catherine Hardwicke

Writers - Melissa Rosenberg

Starring - Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Peter Facinelli & Taylor Lautner

Release Date - 21 November 2008

MPAA Rating - PG-13

Twilight is nothing more than a chick flick that happens to have vampires, but a completely boring version of a vampire. The vampires are in no way scary, they can be in the sunlight, they have a reflection, they are pretty much just regular people who can run fast, hit a baseball far, and jump high.

The film follows the story of Bella. A teenage girl who moves from Arizona to live with her dad in a small town in Washington. At school she meets this mysterious boy, Edward Cullen, who keeps to himself and his family. They fall for each other, but they shouldn't be together because he is a vampire, and he has to fight just to not eat her. He doesn't, the Cullen family excepts her, all is going uneventful and boring until about a half hour left in the film when the bad vampires show up. A very little more excitement happens. The end... until the sequel comes out in 2010.

The film has a few laughs, but not good laughs. The acting is comical at times between Edward and Bella. The "running" special effects are terrible, worse then when Clark Kent runs in Superman The Movie 30 years ago. Every time Peter Facinelli came on screen I laughed, because I couldn't get get the image of him as Mike Dexter from Can't Hardly Wait out of my head.

The film moved very slow, and did not keep my attention. I looked at my cell phone clock at one point to see how much time was left, and I never do that. All of my girl friends who have seen it have loved it and some have gone and seen it more then once. If your female, you will enjoy this film, but if your the boyfriend hang out with the guys that night.