Spanks - 1
Director - Scott Derrickson
Writers - David Scarpa
Starring - Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Kathy Bates & Jaden Smith
Release Date - 12 December 2008
MPAA Rating - PG-13
The Day the Earth Stood Still is one of the worst remakes Hollywood ever made. It was even worse than War of the Worlds and Poseidon. It also completely misses the point of what the original was all about... although they tried. The original was about nuclear war, and the people of Earth had to disarm of be destroyed, and you could feel that part of the story. In this version, the humans were destroying the planet so they had to be eliminated because the planet is one of a few that could sustain life and the humans didn't know how to change, but it didn't have that impact on the story. I in no way want to "Go Green" after watching it. I do want to get my green back from 20th Century Fox.
Gort was just a crappy unoriginal made CGI with a eye that moves exactly like a Battlestar Galactica Cylon. As is normal with Hollywood, Gort had to be bigger so they made him the size of Godzilla. They should have left him a really tall guy in a suit, he would have looked more believable and terrifying and not stupid.
The most memorable and important line of the original was just thrown into the remake to mean almost nothing. It isn't even noticeable. I had to find out where it happened on the IMDB message boards, because I missed it, and I was wasn't making fun of the film yet.
The film even had a War of the Worlds like ending. I don't know if they just ran out of money or film or the writer got writers block when writing the final reel.
If you pretend the movie is not a remake, would only make it slightly better (it might have got 2 spanks). If you are interested in seeing The Day the Earth Stood Still, spend 10 dollars to buy the DVD or 4 to rent the original 1951.
14 December 2008
02 December 2008
Twilight
Spanks - 2
Director - Catherine Hardwicke
Writers - Melissa Rosenberg
Starring - Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Peter Facinelli & Taylor Lautner
Release Date - 21 November 2008
MPAA Rating - PG-13
Twilight is nothing more than a chick flick that happens to have vampires, but a completely boring version of a vampire. The vampires are in no way scary, they can be in the sunlight, they have a reflection, they are pretty much just regular people who can run fast, hit a baseball far, and jump high.
The film follows the story of Bella. A teenage girl who moves from Arizona to live with her dad in a small town in Washington. At school she meets this mysterious boy, Edward Cullen, who keeps to himself and his family. They fall for each other, but they shouldn't be together because he is a vampire, and he has to fight just to not eat her. He doesn't, the Cullen family excepts her, all is going uneventful and boring until about a half hour left in the film when the bad vampires show up. A very little more excitement happens. The end... until the sequel comes out in 2010.
The film has a few laughs, but not good laughs. The acting is comical at times between Edward and Bella. The "running" special effects are terrible, worse then when Clark Kent runs in Superman The Movie 30 years ago. Every time Peter Facinelli came on screen I laughed, because I couldn't get get the image of him as Mike Dexter from Can't Hardly Wait out of my head.
The film moved very slow, and did not keep my attention. I looked at my cell phone clock at one point to see how much time was left, and I never do that. All of my girl friends who have seen it have loved it and some have gone and seen it more then once. If your female, you will enjoy this film, but if your the boyfriend hang out with the guys that night.
Director - Catherine Hardwicke
Writers - Melissa Rosenberg
Starring - Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Peter Facinelli & Taylor Lautner
Release Date - 21 November 2008
MPAA Rating - PG-13
Twilight is nothing more than a chick flick that happens to have vampires, but a completely boring version of a vampire. The vampires are in no way scary, they can be in the sunlight, they have a reflection, they are pretty much just regular people who can run fast, hit a baseball far, and jump high.
The film follows the story of Bella. A teenage girl who moves from Arizona to live with her dad in a small town in Washington. At school she meets this mysterious boy, Edward Cullen, who keeps to himself and his family. They fall for each other, but they shouldn't be together because he is a vampire, and he has to fight just to not eat her. He doesn't, the Cullen family excepts her, all is going uneventful and boring until about a half hour left in the film when the bad vampires show up. A very little more excitement happens. The end... until the sequel comes out in 2010.
The film has a few laughs, but not good laughs. The acting is comical at times between Edward and Bella. The "running" special effects are terrible, worse then when Clark Kent runs in Superman The Movie 30 years ago. Every time Peter Facinelli came on screen I laughed, because I couldn't get get the image of him as Mike Dexter from Can't Hardly Wait out of my head.
The film moved very slow, and did not keep my attention. I looked at my cell phone clock at one point to see how much time was left, and I never do that. All of my girl friends who have seen it have loved it and some have gone and seen it more then once. If your female, you will enjoy this film, but if your the boyfriend hang out with the guys that night.
23 November 2008
Role Models
Spanks - 3.5
Director - David Wain
Writers - Paul Rudd, David Wain, Ken Marino & Timothy Dowling
Starring - Seann William Scott, Paul Rudd, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Bobb'e J. Thompson, Jane Lynch & Elizabeth Banks
Release Date - 7 November 2008
MPAA Rating - R
The Role Models trailer is not an accurate portrayal of the film. The trailer made the film look dumb. That is completely wrong. It is a prime example of bad marketing. The film was very funny. I was laughing the whole entire movie. The film is about two guys, Danny and Wheeler, who work for an energy drink company who drive around promoting it at schools. They get arrested and are given the choice of 30 days in jail or 150 hours working in a Big Brother program called Sturdy Wings. They are given the two worst kids in the program and if they can not complete the hours they go to jail.
Bobb'e J. Thompson who plays Ronnie steals the show whenever he is on screen. Jane Lynch, who played the store manager in The 40 Year Old Virgin, is the ex-con who runs the Big Brother program is one of the strangest (but hysterical) characters in a film in a long time.
To warn you, there is lots of bad language in the film, more than Zack and Miri. That does not take away from all the laughs. Role Models is a movie to watch when you just want to laugh and laugh a lot.
Director - David Wain
Writers - Paul Rudd, David Wain, Ken Marino & Timothy Dowling
Starring - Seann William Scott, Paul Rudd, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Bobb'e J. Thompson, Jane Lynch & Elizabeth Banks
Release Date - 7 November 2008
MPAA Rating - R
The Role Models trailer is not an accurate portrayal of the film. The trailer made the film look dumb. That is completely wrong. It is a prime example of bad marketing. The film was very funny. I was laughing the whole entire movie. The film is about two guys, Danny and Wheeler, who work for an energy drink company who drive around promoting it at schools. They get arrested and are given the choice of 30 days in jail or 150 hours working in a Big Brother program called Sturdy Wings. They are given the two worst kids in the program and if they can not complete the hours they go to jail.
Bobb'e J. Thompson who plays Ronnie steals the show whenever he is on screen. Jane Lynch, who played the store manager in The 40 Year Old Virgin, is the ex-con who runs the Big Brother program is one of the strangest (but hysterical) characters in a film in a long time.
To warn you, there is lots of bad language in the film, more than Zack and Miri. That does not take away from all the laughs. Role Models is a movie to watch when you just want to laugh and laugh a lot.
17 November 2008
Quantum of Solace
Spanks - 4
Director - Marc Forster
Writers - Paul Haggis, Neal Purvis & Robert Wade
Starring - Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Mathieu Amalric, Judi Dench & Giancarlo Giannini
Release Date - 14 November 2008
MPAA Rating - PG
Quantum of Solace is the 22nd official James Bond film. It takes place immediately following the events in Casino Royale. Bond captures Mr. White and during his interrogation he escapes with the help of a traitor (who was M's bodyguard). Bond and M learn very little of the organization Quantum and using forensics from the traitor starts Bond's hunt to find out more about Quantum and to bring them down.
The film runs like a Bond film. He has no regard to public property, he doesn't give up, he doesn't follow orders, he uses his license to kill often and he gets the girls. I heard people saying that it didn't feel like a Bond film and it was just a spy thriller, but it felt very Bond to me.
The visual effects are still real and not 100 percent CGI. Some of the action sequences were similar to each other, which I didn't like and the one in Haiti was cut to quickly to tell what was happening, but those were the only 2 small problems I had with the action.
The film has nothing new and groundbreaking in the film making techniques, but who cares, not all movies need to be. It is a very fun film to watch, and very much worth seeing. It made me wish I was as awesome as James Bond. It is the best action film since Hellboy 2 and The Dark Knight and I can't think of any that will be this good until next summer.
Director - Marc Forster
Writers - Paul Haggis, Neal Purvis & Robert Wade
Starring - Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Mathieu Amalric, Judi Dench & Giancarlo Giannini
Release Date - 14 November 2008
MPAA Rating - PG
Quantum of Solace is the 22nd official James Bond film. It takes place immediately following the events in Casino Royale. Bond captures Mr. White and during his interrogation he escapes with the help of a traitor (who was M's bodyguard). Bond and M learn very little of the organization Quantum and using forensics from the traitor starts Bond's hunt to find out more about Quantum and to bring them down.
The film runs like a Bond film. He has no regard to public property, he doesn't give up, he doesn't follow orders, he uses his license to kill often and he gets the girls. I heard people saying that it didn't feel like a Bond film and it was just a spy thriller, but it felt very Bond to me.
The visual effects are still real and not 100 percent CGI. Some of the action sequences were similar to each other, which I didn't like and the one in Haiti was cut to quickly to tell what was happening, but those were the only 2 small problems I had with the action.
The film has nothing new and groundbreaking in the film making techniques, but who cares, not all movies need to be. It is a very fun film to watch, and very much worth seeing. It made me wish I was as awesome as James Bond. It is the best action film since Hellboy 2 and The Dark Knight and I can't think of any that will be this good until next summer.
16 November 2008
Bolt
Spanks - 4
Director - Chris Williams and Byron Howard
Writers - Dan Fogelman and Chris Williams
Voices - John Travolta, Miley Cyrus, Susie Essman, Mark Walton & Malcolm McDowell
Release Date - 21 November 2008
MPAA Rating - PG
I saw the sneak preview of Bolt, and Disney Animation is getting back to what they used to be. They have had a lot of unmemorable animated films since the Lion King in 1994, but Bolt and 2007's Meet the Robinsons have given me faith in them once again. Bolt is being released in traditional theaters and in Digital Real D stereoscopic 3D. I saw it in 3D, and it you have a theater with a digital projector you should see it in 3D as well. I am sure it will be just as good in a regular theater unlike Journey to the Center of the Earth.
The film is about a television show dog named Bolt who has lived on set his whole life and believes he has the superpowers from the show. Bolt's world gets turned around when he accidentally gets shipped to New York City. He doesn't understand what is happening and kidnaps a cat called Mittens because he believes she is working with Dr. Calico (Bolt's nemeses) and she can lead him back to Penny (Bolt's human) in Hollywood.
The film is great for any age. The theater had people from as little kids to grandparents. It is very funny, everyone in the theater was laughing. Rhino, the hamster who joins the adventure, steals the show. As any animated feature it is easily predictable, but that does not take away from the entertainment or ruin the film.
Director - Chris Williams and Byron Howard
Writers - Dan Fogelman and Chris Williams
Voices - John Travolta, Miley Cyrus, Susie Essman, Mark Walton & Malcolm McDowell
Release Date - 21 November 2008
MPAA Rating - PG
I saw the sneak preview of Bolt, and Disney Animation is getting back to what they used to be. They have had a lot of unmemorable animated films since the Lion King in 1994, but Bolt and 2007's Meet the Robinsons have given me faith in them once again. Bolt is being released in traditional theaters and in Digital Real D stereoscopic 3D. I saw it in 3D, and it you have a theater with a digital projector you should see it in 3D as well. I am sure it will be just as good in a regular theater unlike Journey to the Center of the Earth.
The film is about a television show dog named Bolt who has lived on set his whole life and believes he has the superpowers from the show. Bolt's world gets turned around when he accidentally gets shipped to New York City. He doesn't understand what is happening and kidnaps a cat called Mittens because he believes she is working with Dr. Calico (Bolt's nemeses) and she can lead him back to Penny (Bolt's human) in Hollywood.
The film is great for any age. The theater had people from as little kids to grandparents. It is very funny, everyone in the theater was laughing. Rhino, the hamster who joins the adventure, steals the show. As any animated feature it is easily predictable, but that does not take away from the entertainment or ruin the film.
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